What's Wrong with My Marriage and Why Do Relationships Fail

People go to extremes. When something isn't working, we often throw it out and get something else
which is worse than what we had.

So if you are asking what's wrong with my marriage or what's wrong with my relationship - I may have some insights for you.

So, if your partner is decent and not abusive, let's try to fix the marriage and save the relationship instead of just walking out. It is surprising how many things are fixable. Some things even fix themselves.

Take your body for instance. If it has the proper nutrition, a chance to detoxify, and rest, your body will often repair itself. It's like a miracle, but it's not a miracle.

 Love, whatever love is, also can do wonders. When we get sick or get some condition, we pressure our body to get better right away. We resent the bothersome symptoms, and then we grow impatient and resent our body. We start pressuring our body to respond by using chemicals. Where is the love?

There was a recent story of a woman whose little premature baby was declared dead after doctors did all they could. They handed it to her to say good by. The mother held her baby close and cuddled it for two hours. The baby came back to life. A miracle? Perhaps. Love is a powerful force.

Now in light of the little preamble, let's look at the institution of marriage. Many of us saw our parents arguing or we saw one or both of them unhappy. Maybe there was a divorce, and we did not like it. So we decided that there was something wrong with the institution of marriage, and we decided that when we grew up and met someone, we would just live together. But we find that just living together is not the solution.


There is nothing wrong with the institution of marriage. It is the people in any individual relationship that are the problem.

 Another classic example, that serves as an analogy is the form of government that we were given by our founding fathers.John Adams, our Second President, said "“Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.” As long as we are a moral people, our system works. But when a large percentage of us are lawless and immoral, our society begins to descend.

Let us apply the same reasoning to the institution of marriage. I'm sure you have heard the old expression "to throw the baby out with the bathwater." That is what those who resented their parents' squabbling and decide marriage is no good do. It is not marriage that is bad, it is bad people who give marriage a bad name. Two selfish people who are just living together will fare no better than if they were married.

 Marriage does have its benefits when it comes to two selfish people living together. First of all, marriage is an institution ordained by God, and so it may have His blessing. Secondly, because marriage is based on a covenant, it is honorable. Thirdly, because it is a formal arrangement, it is less brittle and more permanent. It is harder to get out of, and as such, it may give people a chance to stay together longer and work things out.Many people mature, many become more stable and less selfish. Many people mellow with age.

So even if two people are not the greatest, as they age, mellow and have less energy to do naughty things, they steadier within the institution of marriage. Had they just lived together, they might have departed for greener pastures (which are not greener) long ago.

The other things is that when two people stay together, they accumulate some things. When they split up, they often end up impoverished.Love could be a very powerful force when applied to a marriage. Love could be a very valuable force if applied to your relationship or your marriage.Maybe you have love and maybe you don't.

Maybe you think you have love, but really don't.One thing is certain - if you resent your partner, you do not have love. If you judge your partner, you do not have love. Resentment and judgment are hate. You cannot love and hate at the same time.There is real love and false love. Most of us are somewhat acquainted with false love, because when others claimed they loved us, what they did to us hurt us.

I would like you to consider for a moment whether you just may not be a loving as you think you are.

Over the years I have been very hard on men. I have basically blamed the man for what goes wrong in the family. The man is supposed to be the Moses, the David, the Paul of his family. When he is unaware, wimpy and weak (or angry and weak), he is wrong. His family suffers. So I have given men a hard time with the hope that some of them might wake up and realize that more is required of a man than just working and sitting in the living room.

But it has become apparent to me that I have neglected the ladies in as much as I have not been as descriptive as I could have been in describing just where she is likely to be making mistakes.It takes love to correct someone because correction is not always well received. Point out some one's error and they are likely to resent you, or they twist what you said. So it takes love, some have called it tough love, to brave the complaints and accusations and persist with loving correction.

Please keep in mind that it would be nice if father or noble husband patiently pointed things out. However, I can talk in general terms and each of you, women and men, husbands and wives, and partners can see if what I say applies to you.

So if you are willing, let's get started. In my next installment, I will talk about fierce wives and weak husbands.


P.S. look in the right sidebar or the tabs at the top of the page for my books like the one here. They are page turners and you'll discover the real truth about relationships and how to bring forth love.