What Does My Wife Want?

She wants love. But most people do not know what love is.

The following is an article about correction that is pertinent to the topic.

Freud asked the question "what does a woman want." I will answer the question by telling you what we all need (and some of us want).

What we all need (men, women, and kids) is correction.
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Why do some of us want (and all of us need) correction?
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Because we need someone to stop us (with love) from getting carried away or hurting ourselves.
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The classic example that we are all familiar with is that of the spoiled child. Everyone has bowed to the child's tantrums until someone finally says "no" and means it (firmly but not angrily). Nobody really wants to be a spoiled brat, so he or she is grateful to be stopped. It's like the old after shave lotion commercial on television, where the person says: "thanks, I needed that."
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Am I saying that most of us are occasionally spoiled, resentful, selfish, and in need of correction? Yes.
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But the correction must be from someone we respect.

And the correction must have love in it.

If it is too weak (like many wimpy dads are), it tempts us to be contemptuous. If it is angry (like many people are), it tempts us to rebel or resentfully conform.
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True love throws us back on ourselves, so we can see our error and self correct. Love is patient. It does not force itself on another. It points things out in a timely way. Sometimes it firmly and lovingly stops us from from hurting ourselves.

Men need to be corrected from being selfish beasts who use a woman to support their egos. Until he realizes his proper role of being the noble principled unselfish head of household, and as long as he remains like a big kid, she will hold the true power.
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Eventually she will have to nag him just to get him to function. If he tries to get power back by being violent and wrong, she will look even better and he will look even worse. She will resent him for his weakness (whether wimpy or violent).
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If the man would be more noble, his wife would not have to play the role of temptress or ego support that men require them to play.
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In other words, when the man is a noble, principled responsible man, he stops tempting her to have to nag or support his wrong. And if her husband has been tested and found wanting, and is not yet perfect, then she must learn to not resent him.
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Before I continue, let me quickly add that in some cases the correction never takes hold. Some people are incorrigibly prideful or rebellious. Some people only pretend to be sorry when caught doing something wrong. Others will keep being naughty, so that you eventually become angry or impatient (then they can secretly judge you for your wrong)
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But many --their protestations notwithstanding--appreciate someone who has the love to tell them the truth.

So who will do the correcting?
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Okay, men, are you ready? You should be corrected by conscience.
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Conscience is not something we learn from the outside. Conscience is what you know in your heart. It is intuition. When a man loves truth so much that he is willing to bear the inner pain of seeing his own wrong and submit to conscience, he is on his way to becoming a friend of conscience. It no longer feels like conscience at this point. Now it is intuition. A wordless knowing.

Like I have always said: conscience is our closest link to God. So when insight leads to insight, and understanding to understanding, he is gradually led closer and closer to God.
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Such a man may form a bond with conscience, and if he is so blessed, he will have wisdom, kindness, understanding, long suffering, courage, and all the beautiful virtues. Not of himself, but because he lives his intuition from moment to moment.
This intuition, or wordless knowing, is from God.
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Incidentally, the same process can just as easily happen for a woman. Her love of truth can lead her to form an inner bond with her Creator within. But it's just so much easier for her if her husband found it first. Respecting the good in him is also respecting the God for which he stands.
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But most men miss the boat. At best they remain big kids and egos.

Can you see the proper role for husband and dad? He is not supposed to be just a big kid, a sports junkie, a workaholic or a pal. Dad stands in for God in the eyes of his family.

He is supposed to noble and brave, kind and wise: a paragon of virtue. And he is supposed to be corrective with patience, kindness, firmness, and wisdom (not with anger).
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That's your role, dad. That is what your family needs. If you can't speak up without anger--then it's back to the drawing board. If you are a suppressed wimp, you are letting everyone down. If you are angry or violent: you are tempting them to hate you and rebel. If you are a people pleaser, you are selfish and weak.
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In order to find the virtue and superhuman strength he will need, (and which he does not now have), he must recognize and acknowledge his need and silently cry out to his Creator. When his cry is sincere and he is willing to admit his failings, God answers with private intuitive guidance.
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It is so much easier for his wife and kids when husband and dad is the noble knight who never fails them. He would lead the perfect life (or be in the process of getting there). He would have no vices. He would have love, patience, understanding, courage, and kindness. He would not look to his wife, support group, church, work or anyone or anything to support him. he would have an invisible bond with his Creator within.
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Can you see how his wife could respect such a noble man? Can you see how she could feel secure with him, because she knows he really and truly loves principle more than the support of any woman?

How easy it would be for the kids to be corrected from their natural naughtiness when dad stands for what is right, but does so with kindness. having wisdom, patience, and good sense, there would be nothing for them to rebel against.
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How easy it would be for his wife to accept the good natured advice from a husband who she knows will never fail her, will never use her, and who values her a person.

Alas, where will you find such a man? Well. . . . . . . . as Joan Rivers used to say, "Can we talk?"

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