Avoiding Divorce By Giving Up Resentment
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"All couples argue. Because you have two different people with different needs and different opinions, arguing is inevitable.
In fact (and this is controversial) men and women live in different worlds. So again, disagreements are to be expected.
So why is it that when we watch a debate on television, we enjoy it, but at home debates deteriorate into arguments and get ugly? What is the difference?
Here is the difference
1. In a debate we don't take it personally. At home, our ego gets involved.
2. Resentment. At the office or in a debate, we can be objective about things. At home we become resentful. I talk about this in my book and in a popular article I wrote entitled "What is the Number One Cause of Divorce." Resentment is the number one cause of divorce.
3. No one has taught us the right way to argue. If a couple argues about what is right instead of who is right--and what is right wins--it is a win-win for both.
4. And this is important--we need to understand the difference between men and women.
And there is a difference. Vive la difference! as the French say. In my book I tell the story of men and women, all the way back to paradise lost in the Garden of Eden.
I talk about how misunderstanding each other's true needs leads to confusion and feeling empty."
"Don't worry," says Roland. "It is possible to disagree without being disagreeable. In fact, if we can learn to love each other instead of resenting each other, we might even be able to live happily ever after. "
Rola
nd Trujillo has a Doctorate in Pastoral Psychology and is the author of 14 books. He is host of a radio advice program that has aired in California and around the country for 23 years.Read his new article My Husband and I have Nothing in Common
His new 315 page book The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage--Making Relationships Work is available in quality paperback at Amazon.com and in in eBook at Scribd.com to download to your mobile device or computer.
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